It's been awhile since I have blogged and so often, I would think, "this is the thing I would blog if I was near my computer or at home!" (My work computer allows no access to many websites as it is blocked by the organization.)
Our life continues in the limbo. The last pathology showed the same as the needle biopsy- abnormal but no cancer cells detected. The JH doc puts this result in the supporting metastatic cancer as this can be what the body does to a cancerous lesion nearby in the body. Buff has been turned down by 1 clinical trial for treatment of his ribs as he does not have a diagnosis that confirms metastatic cancer. Medically, I understand but as a wife it is frustrating! Buff is heading to Mayo this week for a second (or third) review of his results and consultations with many specialists. He hopes to have a better idea if he should continue with the treatment planned laid out by JH docs or if there are new ideas to explain the problems with his ribs.....
Some one at work told me the other day that I looked "better as well as exhibiting a certain calmness". I was surprised but then when I took a moment later when I was by myself and looked, I realized that there is a certain amount of acceptance that this is my life now. I have a husband that has cancer. I am not constantly sad like I was for the first few months of this diagnosis. In fact, the other day, I had one of those perfect moments in life when I was heading into work. You know the kind- those moments you feel content, happy, and just revealing in being in the world. It was amazing that I experienced that but I was relieved as well- there is life with cancer in it!
