White Christmas?!

It's snowing!!! OK, it's only flurries but any white Christmas is better then any old non-white Christmas!

Those Moments!!

So in the "savor every moment" of your life philosophy, I got up and watched the beginnings of the lunar eclipse that coincided with the winter solstice. When I first arose I couldn't find the view out my windows. then I walked into my bathroom and looked up and there framed in my skylight was the moon in this beautiful sky! It was one of those serendipitous moments that I will remember for a long time.

Almost There

Sunday Christmas-  we get the the pathology news this week. It's been a long 2 weeks. We are want to find out exactly what we are dealing with and the treatment options. I can tell you that cancer will certainly try to teach you patience... Nothing happens quickly- it's all drawn out and slow. We will finally be getting the answers to questions we started asking in August!!!!

It's amazing that Christmas is coming in 6 days. We had our first snow though I wish it would stick around for a white Christmas. We are just getting to putting our Christmas card together- yes they are coming but will be more like Happy New Year's cards. We have got most of the shopping done with this week to finish up the last few things for the boys. In the meantime we get to enjoy our prettiest tree ever!

Word for the Day

The word for the day is: dichotomy. It is defined at dictionary.com as division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups. So explain to me how one maintains hope and a positive attitude while trying to reconcile that your husband could be dead in a year or 2? One minute I'm crying and overwhelmed by such a profound sense of sadness and the next I'm trying to 'be positive" about treatment options that Buff has to talk about (and talk about and talk about.......) How do we explain to the younger boys about the seriousness of metastatic cancer and still maintain their childhood (supposed to be carefree years)? How do we encourage Torin to go to college and start his life as his dad and family are facing such challenges at home? How do I enjoy the "moments" with Buff and not dwell on the future? Dichotomy!


I know that our family is strong in so many ways but what I wouldn't give to look in the crystal ball and "see" the answers for this test!! It would answer which treatment options to go with, what to do for our boys, and what I need to handle what's coming my way, and get us out if this murky fog we find ourselves in. (yes, you English teachers, I know you're not supposed to end a sentence in a preposition!) 
Thanks to my family who have left such reassuring and loving comments. The one thing I have never doubted is that we have all the support and love from the best family in the world!! I promise as a need arises that you can fulfill, we will call.

A Good Day

Today was a good day. I only worked 4 hours and got to have a leisurely lunch with Buff and his Dad at one of our favorite restaurants. Then the family went to the Blue Heron Tree Farm and "hunted" our Christmas tree. It was 29 degrees and windy so it was cold. But we were determined, in sync, and decisive!! We were in and out of the farm in 25 minutes. What those characteristics got us was a beautiful Doug Fir and it just misses the ceiling! We will decorate it on Wednesday as I am working late tomorrow.

I have started this initial blog a thousand times in my head. There are a multitude of thoughts and feelings that run around in my brain that wouldn't make sense in print. They are disjointed and all over the place but I have to begin somewhere as my husband has cancer. Which means that our family has cancer. Our boys have learned more about cancer than any 7, 9, or 17 year old should ever know on such an intimate level. So what are we dealing with? Contemplating our futures without my husband and the boys without their father.